Our First Visit
11:11 AM
Friday was a big day for our family. A day we have been avoiding since June 22nd. We just haven't been able to bring ourselves to visit. I drive by the cemetery every single day knowing I should stop. I just could not bring myself to do it. I knew in my heart, I didn't have the strength. It was an assignment given to me by my trauma therapist. I was supposed to accomplish this a few weeks ago. Something just told me, I wasn't ready. What I wasn't ready for was reality. I knew seeing his space covered in dirt with pinwheels whirling would be that final missing piece to our new reality that I haven't been able to come to grips with. Aspen wanted us to visit, not because he is there, but for some reason, he wanted us to go. That's what Rebecca Rosen told us. So Friday, Jenner's soccer game was cancelled and we had some extra time in our evening before we were supposed to be going to my parents for dinner and see my aunt Patty who is in town from Ohio. I don't know why, but I just felt like it was time. It's been raining all week and I just knew I needed to bring my baby his blanket so he wasn't covered in mud. So we went. Jenner wouldn't get out of the car. He isn't ready. Come to find out, I'm not ready either. Honestly, I don't think I will ever be ready to accept this as our new reality. I just can't believe he's really never coming back. My heart just can't accept it. I miss my sweet Aspen more every second. Just when I think the pain can't get worse, it does. I pray for strength. I pray for peace. I pray for the pain to lessen. I pray that I'll be able to visit more often.
1 comments
Lisa your story tugs at our hearts here in NH..we are with you in your grief and are sending continued prayers. You were very brave to take this step...in time, you will do it again. One day at a time...
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