I feel like I can officially put a checkmark after Thanksgiving has come to a close. Another one down, and a ton to go.  The firsts are absolutely the very worst. I spent all day staring into space. I didn't help with anything, which I rarely do, but I just did not have a shred of energy to get out of my chair. I just stared into nowhere wondering if Aspen was in Heaven having Thanksgiving or if he was in the empty chair that we had left for him. 

Jenner doesn't like to talk much about Aspen, but these past few weeks he's mentioned him more and more. Maybe it's because I do my best to hold myself together when he mentions something, so he won't be afraid to bring him up. I think for awhile when he would mention something, I'd break into tears. Now I just stay focused on the fact that he is talking and being open to talking about him like he was real. Yesterday we were sitting quietly and he said, "Mom, Christmas is going to be rough on me."  I just quietly said, "because Aspen won't be here?"  He answered, "yes."  He kind of left it at that.  I went on to explain, that I appreciated him telling me that and told him to start thinking of different ways we can change up Christmas this year. I've already scheduled Santa to come to a little party we are having in Aspen's honor. Traditionally since Jenner was 3, Santa has come to the house and we've invited close friends and family for a cookies and Santa party. Not this year. It feels like yesterday that Santa was ringing our doorbell and the kids were running around screaming loudly, so excited Santa actually came to our house again. I would also like to spend the night at the hunting cabin this year. I can't stay here and do our typical routine. We always host my family on Christmas morning here and it's been so fun. It's so weird how a year can seem like yesterday. I remember every minute of that day as we were also celebrating Aspen's 3rd birthday since we all had the flu on his actual birthday. He was SO excited for his Mickey Mouse cake and gifts. He got spatulas and whisks along with some other kitchen stuff. Aspen loved to cook for me and especially for grandma and Ava.   It's interesting, there are some days when I want to go through and purge toys, and other items that remind me too much of Aspen, and other days, I don't want to let go of anything related to him. I imagine that is a common feeling. What do we do this year in terms of hanging stockings? We no longer hang our dog, Roscoe's stocking, but I just don't want Aspen to be left out. I realize he's not physically with us, but if he is with us in spirit, I don't want him to feel left out if his stocking isn't hung. I know that sounds so crazy, but I always want him to know that this is his home and we haven't forgotten him. Kinda like the empty chair at Thanksgiving. I want him to know he is welcome, even if it's just his spirit. 

Yesterday Jenner and I went to Hobby Lobby to get some things for Aspen's party. Green balloons, green paper to make handmade pinwheels, glitter, paint, and some ornaments for Aspen's Christmas Tree.  We walked in the door and into the kitchen. At that very moment, our family picture fell off the wall. It just fell for no reason. Jenner said, "Mom that was Aspen".  I went over and tried to hang the canvas back on the wall. It fell again. It continued to fall three more times, before I decided to get a different nail. In my heart, I know it was him. Rebecca Rosen asked us in our first private reading if there was a picture that kept falling. At that time, there was a picture in my office that kept falling. Maybe this is one of our signs now to show us he is here. We were at breakfast today and Trisha told me that Jenner told her that if he could have all the money in the world, he would give it to God in Heaven so we could have Aspen back. UGH. Aspen is on all of our minds constantly. To be honest, there is rarely a minute that goes by that he does not enter my mind. I just can't help it. I want him back so badly too. I miss everything about him, even his temper tantrums. 

I'm off to take on my next challenge....decorating for Christmas. I have no motivation to do it this year, but I'm doing it for Jenner. And Aspen, if you're listening, please give me strength to do this without tears. And while you're at it, please send us some signs - feel free to let an ornament fall randomly or any other little thing that will trigger a sense of you being present.  And never forget what mommy always read to you and which will remain true until eternity....

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living,

my baby you'll be.

                                                                 - Bastille

HAPPY BLACK FRIDAY! Aspen's ornaments are on sale at Mangelsen's, On a Whim and on our website www.aspendrakeseemannfoundation.org All proceeds from the sale of the ornaments will go directly to the Aspen Drake Seemann Foundation to help fund our upcoming initiatives. If you purchase at Mangelsen's be sure to use the TAGG app, then request the ADS foundation and a portion of the proceeds from your entire purchase will be given to the foundation! We so appreciate your support! #aspendrakeseemannfoundation #pinwheelsforaspen #angelwingornament#mangelsens #onawhim

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Please spend this day with us precious angel! We will have a chair with your favorite blanket ready for you. We love you so much Aspen!

It's 5 months today. I've been praying to God as often as possible, asking for him to grant me strength to get through Thanksgiving this week. I normally host my family the weekend before Thanksgiving and then host Clint's family on Thanksgiving.  Not this year. I can't do anything traditional this year, not without my Aspy. I need to start some new traditions to hopefully lessen the pain as we navigate through all of these firsts. I would honestly like to go somewhere for the month of December. If Jenner didn't have school, we would be. I just don't want to be here. The pain is too raw. I have NO motivation for putting up Christmas decorations. How could I? This was Aspen's very favorite holiday and of course, his Birthday month. I remember last Christmas and his Birthday like it was yesterday. We all ended up with the stomach flu the day of Aspen's actual Birthday. Just a day before we were supposed to leave for Mexico for the week. Aspen shares a birthday with his uncle Adam, but because we were all so sick, I had to cancel his party. We got back on the 22nd. Aspen had been abnormally cranky the last few days of our trip and had a few red dots around his mouth, which I wrote off to the humidity, pool and ocean water mixed with his binky. I remember the morning we were leaving to come home, he threw a tantrum of epic proportions. I had no idea why he was acting so out of character. We had my family over for Christmas morning as we've done for years. Little did I know, Aspen had Hand Foot & Mouth and ended up giving it to Ava. We celebrated Aspen's 3rd and final birthday on Christmas day.  Sharing it with Jesus. Aspen loved the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and insisted on a Mickey Mouse cake.  We all wore Mickey ears of course.  He was thrilled!  Christmas gifts and birthday gifts all in one day.  

Clint is having a really difficult time these past few weeks too. I can see it in his face. He is completely heartbroken without him. We all are. We are striving to get stronger as a couple as we tackle this journey together. There have been bumps along the way, but all in all, we are stronger than ever. I thank God for this daily as the statistics for marriage withstanding a tragedy like losing a child, is not good. My Clint is my rock. I married him for his heart and his gentle soul. Jenner reminds me so much of his dad, which makes me so happy. As we gather this week with friends and family, my pain and sadness will remain, but I know I am truly blessed to have this life and I am thankful every day to be surrounded by loving people who lift us up through prayer, sweet words and so many genuine acts of kindness. I pray that God and Aspen will help us tackle this first while we recognize the vast blessings we have in our lives.  HAPPY THANKSGIVING!





                                               - Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

Happy Birthday Jenner Benner!  I can't believe you are 9 today.  You are the sweetest boy 
with the kindness soul!  We love you so much sweet boy!  

Today is November 11th. The significance has been with me since I can remember. When I see it, I excitingly announce it, "It's 1111, make a wish." It's even on my license plates. 1111 was taken, so I opted for 11XI instead. 1111 is more to me than just making a wish. To me, it represents the feeling of being lucky and blessed. It serves as my constant reminder of how much I truly believed this my entire life. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of struggles, but overall, I have always felt blessed and lucky to have the life I do. From having a supporting, loving family who is always there for me no matter what, to having a successful career in advertising, to being entrepreneurial in starting different businesses, to meeting the man of my dreams and getting married, but very most of all, having my two children, Jenner and Aspen. The joy and happiness I felt after Jenner was born was unmatched by any experience I've had in my life. Then after struggling to have another baby, when Aspen was born, I remember telling Clint - "I am the happiest, I've ever been; I feel so blessed and full of indescribable joy." He would laugh at me, as I'd be changing Aspen's diaper or feeding him or giving him a bath and would say out of the blue, "I'm so happy; thank you for letting us have another baby!"

Today, 11:11 has a different meaning. I still feel incredibly blessed, even after losing my precious angel in June. But now, 11:11 to me, represents a sign from Aspen, saying "Mommy, I'm okay" from Heaven. The significance is much more meaningful than it's ever been. It reminds me, to keep going and to keep fighting for joy. I am the one in control of my thoughts, beliefs, intentions and actions. 

Ironically, in January, 2016, I declared the year as "The year of me." You see, Clint has always been good about taking trips with his dad and friends and I always felt like I'd like to do the same with my family and friends, but didn't want to leave my kids. I knew in my head that it is healthy to carve time out to do the things I did before children, so I decided 2016 would be different. I vowed to take those girl trips I'd always wanted to take! We travel a lot with couples and leaving my boys has not been something I love to do. I would find myself a day into a trip, wanting to be home with them. I vowed to take those tennis and golf lessons I'd been meaning to take. To start working on new house plans, and to get certified in Feng Shui. Most of all, to make more quality time for myself, my family and my girlfriends. In the spring, I did take a girl's trip to Arizona. We just enjoyed the spa and hanging out talking and having casual dinner and drinks. I had looked into tennis and golf lessons for the summer and signed up for a Feng shui class online. But on June 18th, "the year of me" came to a screeching halt. How ironic, that I would choose this year to be "the year of me." I felt selfish and sad that after losing Aspen. I so wished I had spent that "me" time with my precious angel instead. 

1111 can signify a major spiritual awakening, or to signal an upcoming change or shift. Beginning today, I make it my mission to "reset" as my friend Cami would say. To live with intention and to set a goal each day so I do my best to live a purposeful life. Sometimes it takes little things to ignite the most significant shift. I look at today as the start of that shift. 
A kickoff to my reset and journey to finding joy again. Here's to 1111!
On another note, today is significant for another reason. It is Lane's first big event to raise money for his foundation, The Lane Thomas Foundation. I am so sad we are missing it, but we had made plans to do a little getaway to Chicago this weekend with our friends Monte and Molly before the holidays get underway.  Melissa and Matt have become a part of our hearts and I am so proud of them for honoring their sweet Laney by providing financial support for non-medical expenses to families with children in need of life-saving organ transplants at Omaha healthcare facilities. Jenner and my family plan to attend the Christmas tree viewing on Saturday morning. Wishing you so much success tonight! Sending lots of hugs and strength from Chicago!
More info on 11:11...

Number 1111 is made up of the powerful influences of the number 1, amplified and magnified by four.  Number 1 resonates with the vibrations and attributes of new beginnings and starting afresh, independence and individuality, initiative and assertiveness, ambition and motivation, success and leadership, courage and strength, creation and creativity, self-reliance and tenacity, attainment, happiness and fulfillment, innovation, self-development and oneness with life. Number 1 reminds us that we create our own realities with our thoughts, beliefs, intentions and actions.


The repeating number 1 sequence (in all it’s forms) is most often the first sequence that appears to many people.  Once the 1111 is acknowledged, the number sequence changes to another combination along with new messages, life experiences, directions and opportunities.

Many people associate the repeating 1111 with a ‘wake-up call’, a ‘Code of Activation’ and/or an ‘Awakening Code’, or ‘Code of Consciousness’.  It can also be seen as a key to unlock the subconscious mind, and reminds us that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience, rather than physical beings embarking upon spiritual experiences.
Upon noticing a frequency of 1111’s appearing repeatedly, you may begin to see an increase in synchronicities and unlikely and miraculous coincidences appearing in your life.
At times, when you are about to go through a major spiritual awakening or an epiphany of some kind, the number 1111 may appear in your physical reality and experience to signal the upcoming change or shift.

When noticing the Angel Number 1111 appearing, take notice of the thoughts you had right at that moment, as 1111 indicates that your thoughts and beliefs are aligned with your truths.  For example, if you held an inspired idea at the time of seeing 1111, it would indicate that it would be a positive and productive idea to take action on.

When Angel Number 1111 appears repeatedly it signifies that an energetic gateway has opened up for you, and this will rapidly manifest your thoughts into reality.  The message is to choose your thoughts wisely, ensuring that they match your true desires.  Do not put your energy into focusing on fears as you may manifest them into your life.

Angel Number 1111 is a message from your angels to be very aware of your persistent thoughts and ideas as these are manifesting quickly into your reality.  Ensure that your beliefs, thoughts and mind-sets are positive and optimistic in order to draw the energies of abundance and balance into your life.  Be aware that you will manifest your thoughts, therefore, do not think negative thoughts as these are what you will draw into your life. Use the positive energies of the Universe to bring to fruition your deepest desires, hopes and dreams.

Angel Number 1111 signifies that an energetic gateway has opened up for you, and this will rapidly manifest your thoughts into your reality. There is an opportunity opening up for you, and your thoughts are manifesting them into form at lightening speed.  Angel Number 1111 is similar to the bright light of a flashbulb.  It means that the Universe has just taken a snapshot of your thoughts and is manifesting your ideas, thoughts and beliefs into material form, creating your experiences and realities.

When you recognize an Angel Number 1111 sequence appearing to you frequently, take note of your thoughts at the time that they occur.  When a series of 1111's appear, monitor your thoughts carefully and be sure to only think about what it is you really want, not what you don't want.  Choose your thoughts wisely, and do not put your focus towards your fears, as they may manifest.

Pay special attention to your thoughts and ideas as these are revealing the answers to your prayers.  Your positive affirmations and optimistic attitude will help to manifest your desires and help you to achieve your goals and aspirations.  They will also assist you with serving your spiritual life purpose and soul mission.

Angel Number 1111 encourages you to look to new beginnings, opportunities and projects with a positive and optimistic attitude as these are appearing in your life for very good reason.  Your angels want you to achieve and succeed with your desired goals and aspirations so do not hesitate in taking positive steps and striving forward.  Do not allow fears, doubts or concerns to hold you back from living and serving your Divine life purpose and soul mission.

Angel Number 1111 also encourages you to assist and inspire the human race via your natural abilities, relying upon your inner-wisdom and intuition to guide you.  Be an inspirational guiding light to bring illumination and enlightenment to others and to help raise spiritual awareness. Trust that the angelssupport you in your ‘lightwork’.

Angel Number 1111 shows you how to begin creating your reality, and is confirmation that your intentions are in the process of manifesting.

Written by:  Joanne Sacred Scribes

The world needs more love. Stop and ask yourself, have you done something today to make our world a better place? Be the light in someone's darkness. Be kind and love this life!!