Aspen Drake Seemann

2nd Ultrasound

11:11 AM

I received not the greatest news on Monday in terms of my labs for Colorado. For some reason, my levels dropped considerably from the week before and the nurse from Colorado seemed very concerned on the phone. We ended up increasing my progesterone shots to once per day, to see if that helps. I cancelled all my plans yesterday and just laid in bed with my feet propped up. So nervous that at any moment I could start to miscarry this precious little being. I wasn't taking any chances. I went in first thing this morning for more labs and then at 10:30am, we had our 2nd ultrasound scheduled. I was so nervous.  I prayed all day yesterday, last night and today for God to give us good news. It seemed like it took forever for them to call my name to come back. When they finally did the ultrasound, I could immediately see her little heart beating on the screen - 160 bpm exclaimed the nurse. WHEW! I could relax again! She also has started to grow here little arms and legs - Jenner will be excited to know that she now officially looks like a gummy bear instead of a grape as we discussed last night. He is over-the-moon with excitement and already has her name picked out "Dawn".  After the Nickelodeon show Nicky Ricky Dicky and Dawn. That's not going to happen obviously. My little girl will not be named after a cable network program. Jenner gets so mad when I tell him that I get to choose the name. He tells me that I ALWAYS get to pick the names. I remind him, that when he's old enough to be a daddy someday, he can choose his own baby names. We are off to Colorado tomorrow for Spring Break. I know this is going to be a bittersweet trip given the last time we were at Copper, Aspen was with us and it was so much fun! I am going to take time to do a lot of journaling, saving pins on Pinterest, reading and in between, work on our taxes and start buying things for the new house in terms of lighting, fixtures, etc.. Since I'm not able to partake in any of the mountain fun, i.e., skiing, tubing, snowmobiling, cocktailing, hot tubbing, etc. This trip will be all about relaxing, reading, pinning, reflecting and cooking. Hope everyone has a blessed week! I'm ready to get to our happy place (the mountains) and enjoy our family and friends.


Coping with the Loss of a Child

1st Ultrasound

11:11 PM

It was with nervous anticipation we had our first ultrasound today. So many things can happen in the first trimester of pregnancy, so we were trying to approach every test with caution for fear our hearts could break at any moment given the possibility of bad news. We have tried to remain positive and give everything up to God. We were pleasantly surprised to see that our little girl has a heartbeat, albeit very low, it was there! She is measuring where she should be and we are on track. Another ultrasound on March 2nd, will give us more information on whether her heart rate is increasing. Praying God protects this little life now and forever!


Angel Baby

If I Only Had A Spray

1:53 PM

I started my Friday with so much hope for a warm, fun-filled weekend. We bought tickets to the new Lego Bat Man movie that Jenner has been looking forward to since he saw the trailer for the first time. He woke up Friday and you would have thought it was Christmas morning. He was so excited!  I woke up with a scratchy throat and a headache. I took extra vitamin C and some black elderberry thinking it must just be the start of a cold. As the day wore on, I felt so tired. Abnormally tired. I laid down hoping to rally for the evening. I ended up staying home and went to bed early. I woke up Saturday feeling terrible. I immediately went to urgent care thinking I had strep given how sore my throat was. Tested negative for strep and was told it was probably a virus that would have to run its course. I came home and went immediately back to bed. Missed Jenner's basketball game and the Valentine's Day party that evening. By Sunday, I knew in my heart something wasn't right. I felt worse than the past two days prior. I had been running a low grade fever but now the Tylenol wasn't helping. It hit me that I probably had the flu. I contacted the after hours line at CCRM and the nurse prescribed Tamiflu but told me to go to the ER and get tested as if I was positive, Clint and Jenner would also need to be treated as soon as possible. My mom came over to be with Jenner while Clint and I went in. You could see he look of concern on Jenner's face about me and the baby. He actually said, "mom if this baby doesn't work, you promised to keep trying, right?" My poor sweet boy. Will he always have this new layer of stress lying underneath, waiting to come out at any sign of distress? Is this really our new reality? He's far too young to carry this heavy burden of life. Has he been robbed of his youth and the carefree nature of what being a kid really should be? Breaks my heart to think that may be the case now!

We arrived back home around 10pm. Jenner was in bed asleep. My mom told me that he was worried I was going to have to spend the night at the hospital. She also shard something he told her before he said his prayers. He said, "Grandma, I wish I had a spray."  "What kind of spray?"asked my mom. He responded, "A spray that would go back and prevent Aspen from going to the beach that day.  I miss him so much and wish he could come back to us."  My mom simply agreed with Jenner and told him that Aspen can't come back to us as much as we all wish he could. He's in Heaven now. They then said prayers and Jenner fell asleep. My heart breaks for my sweet, Jenner. It is clear Aspen is on his mind all the time even though he's probably too afraid to bring it up to Clint or myself for fear it will make us sad. 

I received a call from the ER today. I officially have influenza b which means Jenner and Clint will also need to be treated.I pray that God protects my family and our baby as having the flu and a fever while newly pregnant can be very dangerous to the baby. 

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:  Please be respectful of others and stay home if you are sick. You may not realize the negative impact you could have on another person, especially if they have a compromised immune system. It's not okay! Stay home! No social event, work project or errand is worth potentially infecting others. Off my soapbox. 


1111

Grow Baby, Grow

10:49 AM



Grow baby, grow!  I went in super early this morning as I couldn't sleep very well worrying about my labs today. I just got my Beta results - she's at 2,874 up from 118 last Friday. She is growing which makes my entire week! So thrilled that this little peanut is progressing! Next big step is 2/20 when we do the ultrasound to detect the heartbeat! Thank you for all of your continued prayers - we feel so blessed to be on this path. The very best early Valentine's Day gift we could possibly have imagined! Have a blessed weekend!

1111

Baby Steps

2:37 PM



Tomorrow is another big day. Another set of labs to see how things are progressing. I pray that our little girl is growing. Starting out with low numbers can mean a lot of things, but there are tons of success stories where beta numbers start low and they end up with a healthy baby. Still, I'm a natural born worrier, even before Aspen's accident so it's inherent for me to have a little anxiousness going into tomorrow. Wanting something so much, doesn't help the anxiety. Only God knows what his plan is for our future. I continue to put my faith in him and the journey that he sets forth for our family. Praying so hard for good results tomorrow. If all goes well tomorrow, the next step is an ultrasound on February 20th to detect the heartbeat. That's a big milestone. I'm trying to to stay focused on getting our house packed to put on the market in March. A lot of big changes are on the horizon, all good, but they all come with so much emotion. Aspen spent his entire life in this house, so Clint and I both have so many mixed emotions about leaving here. I think we both know it's what is best for our family going forward as I still can't even go in the backyard, much less, use the beach and the lake like we used to. We will miss our neighbors so much as our West Shores community has more than wrapped their loving arms around our family and we will never forget the comfort they brought to us during the worst time of our lives. On that note, if anyone is looking for a modern ranch on a lake with amazing neighbors, let me know. Our plan is to put it on the market in mid-March. 

Aspen Drake Seemann

Bring On 2017

11:11 PM

“Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering 'it will be happier'...” 
― Alfred Tennyson

 “Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.” 
― Brad Paisley

 “A bridge of silver wings stretches from the dead ashes of an unforgiving nightmare
to the jeweled vision of a life started anew.” 
― Aberjhani, Journey through the Power of the Rainbow

 “For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning."
― T.S. Eliot

 “May light always surround you;
Hope kindle and rebound you.
May your hurts turn to healing;
Your heart embrace feeling.
May wounds become wisdom;
Every kindness a prism.
May laughter infect you;
Your passion resurrect you.
May goodness inspire 
your deepest desires.
Through all that you reach for, 
May your arms never tire.” 
― D. Simone

 “We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.” 
― Edith Lovejoy Pierce

 “New Year - a new chapter, new verse, or just the same old story ? Ultimately we write it. The choice is ours.” 
― Alex Morritt, Impromptu ScribebRING

“As the old year retires and a new one is born, we commit into the hands of our Creator the happenings of the past year and ask for direction and guidance in the new one. May He grant us His grace, His tranquility and His wisdom!” 
― Peggy Toney Horton