I Thought I Had Time
12:06 PM
You see, we were cautious to the enth degree. Any single person who knew us would tell you, we over-parented. We did everything short of bubble wrapping our children. Organic EVERYTHING! And I mean down to the diaper cream, diapers, baby wipes, bath wash, lotion, hair gel - it all had to be organic. Our monthly Whole Foods tab could pay a small mortgage. And pesticides or bug spray - no thank you! We use garlic and essential oils to keep those pesky things away. I bought a toaster oven so we didn't have to use the microwave unless we were in a 911 situation. Oh and Skittles - only if the boys would get them on a playdate and I didn't know about it. Are you kidding me? Have you seen the ingredient list? Red 40 lake, titanium dioxide, red 40, yellow 5 lake, yellow 5, yellow 6 lake, yellow 6, blue 2 lake, blue 1, blue 1 lake, and don't forget the Carnuba wax. Oh and no fun cereal either. All of my childhood favorites; off the list. Cap'n Crunch, Froot Loops, Frosted Flakes, Lucky Charms, Fruity Pebbles; nope! Every plug cover, every cabinet lock, carbon monoxide detectors, helmets, knee pads, elbow pads. SO MANY baby gates - our house looked like Folsom Prison. In so many videos, I hear myself as I'm filming, say, "be careful", "don't go in the street", "watch for cars" "be careful on the stairs". I know we drove friends and family crazy with our cautious ways. We would never let a single child touch the sand on our beach without a life jacket. We'd get pushback every now and again from a parent saying "oh she knows how to swim", but we would adamantly tell them, "it's not an option". Who would ever think our sweet angel would ever drown in our own backyard? Never for one second did I think I wouldn't be able to protect my precious boys. I cherished my babies so much all I wanted to do was protect them and make them feel safe. It's crazy how life can literally change in an instant. And how life looks so different through the eyes of grief. It is dull and in a lot of ways meaningless. At least that's how it feels at this point in this journey. Only time will tell if this will change for me. The one thing that brings me some peace, I know that I did EVERYTHING in my power to keep my children safe. EVERYTHING. I was and will most likely always be a helicopter parent. The trouble is, you think you have time.
2 comments
Yes you did my sweet sister. Anyone that thinks otherwise is out of their mind. I am only an Aunt but I am so proud and thankful of every single second I get to spend with these amazing little people. My only wish is that it not only makes them grow up with such love but in the process makes me a better person carrying for and loving these babies unconditionally. Don't get me wrong they can be little turds but you always know the love you share with them. #soblessed
ReplyDeleteI love you sweet sister.
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