My First Letter To Aspen
11:11 AM
Today marks 6 months since you left us to be with God. I
know it sounds crazy, but I still can’t believe you’re really gone. My heart
just can’t take the raw pain that comes with thinking about it. I miss you so
much sweet boy and some days I wonder how I’m going to get through another
minute without you, much less a lifetime. You have touched so many lives in
your short time here and I know that only an amazing soul like yours was meant
for more. God had a plan for you and I see so much good, has already taken
place because of you. People want to be better because of you. People are less
likely to take things for granted because of you. People are stopping to enjoy
the moment more because of you. I am
grateful for this, but it doesn’t make me miss you any less. We are approaching
Christmas and I can feel the heaviness that is surrounding us knowing we
somehow have to navigate this first without your excitement, without your
laughter, without you period. We need to get through this for Jenner. He deserves to experience the same magic you
both shared for 3 years together. It sounds like an impossible ask, but buddy,
please, please, please show us that you are with us. Show us that you’ll always
be with us. I miss you so much Aspy and I
hope you can give Jesus a special “happy birthday” song from all of us here.
Only He knows what the future brings. I pray that 2017 is less painful and
comes with a glimmer of hope for brighter days ahead. I pray that God gives us the blessing of a
new baby that has your eyes and your charisma. I know there is nothing that
will ever replace you, but to be able to hold and love another child would be
nothing short of the most beautiful miracle I could ever imagine. Please bring us extra blessings for the
upcoming year! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ANGEL! Mommy wrote you a little note on your first Heavenly Birthday. I feel like there is so much I want you to know and so much I want to say, but sometimes, the pain just overtakes me and I can't articulate my feelings adequately. Please know that as time passes, I will continue to write to you. I think for now, the main takeaway is I simply want you to know what an impact you've made on me in your short time here. You changed me and made me want to be a
My First Letter to Aspen
Hi sweet boy! I’ve
been thinking about the right time to write to you. As you probably know, I’ve
been so sad, and I didn’t want make my first letter to you depressing. I know
you’ve been around and I know you’ve been visiting several friends and family
lately. It makes me so happy when I hear about your visits and although I’ve
only seen you in a few of my dreams, it makes me so happy when you come to me. You
see, I think I’ve finally come to grips with the fact that I will never be able
to physically hold you in my arms again, and that you are in a better place. This
brings me peace, but it doesn’t change the pain of not being able to watch you
grow and become the person I can now only envision in my mind. Jenner and I see
the tricks you play trying to get our attention. We love it and want you to
visit as often as possible.
I sit here thinking back to our infertility journey and how
hard I fought to have you. I want you to know, every second of the journey was
worth the short amount of time I was able to have you in my life. You were
mommy’s everything buddy!! You still are. And Jenner and Daddy, of course. I miss
your amazing smile and your contagious laugh. You were one-of-a-kind and
nothing will ever replace you. You are forever embedded in my heart and my soul
sweet boy. Nothing will ever change that. I hope you hear me when I talk to
you. I just want us to be connected like we once were. We were inseparable and
had a love that was perfect. I want you to celebrate your first Heavenly
Birthday with us today knowing 4 years ago today, was the happiest day of my
life. You made everything worth it. The complete joy you provided me is the
worth the pain I’m suffering now. I’m trying to redirect my grief and do things
to help others in your memory. I want to make you proud of me, but I need your
help. Please bring mommy strength and courage to continue in this life without
you. I want Jenner to feel safe again. I want him to feel joy and laughter like
he knew when you were with him. I want daddy’s pain to ease. I want our family
to feel some peace. Looking forward to a new year filled with some hope and some light to help the darkness break.
1 comments
Lisa, your words are beautiful and inspiring. You and your family are in my heart and prayers. Merry Christmas, wishing you Joy and peace in the upcoming year.
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