Resilience

11:11 AM


I spent my day today with friends at the Child Saving Institute's annual Personalities luncheon. I knew it was going to be all I could do to gather the strength to face a lot of familiar faces I haven't  seen since Aspen's services.  I knew I would run into people.  That's Omaha.  It's small.   I conjured up different scenarios in my head the past few days.  What if someone says something that makes me cry?  What if the video makes me cry?  You see, I never know when I'm going to cry, and I never know when I'm going to lose it and start sobbing uncontrollably.  Typically it's in my car, or if I see a picture or video, but I just can't always predict it.  I cried at Hobby Lobby the other day picking out fall decorations for Aspen's grave.  We used to love Hobby Lobby and have so many happy memories about our time together there.  He used to always pick out the most random things, a flashlight, a stuffed animal, a coffee mug - that front checkout area is a death trap for parents!  Trying to get out of the store without buying some junky item that belonged in a claw machine was nearly impossible - that is, without a tantrum. Then I think it hit me, Hobby Lobby will never be the same for me.  It has now become a place where I go to find things to make Aspen happy from Heaven.  Oh how I wish he were here, throwing tantrums because he wants a Minion PEZ dispenser.

 So, I made it through the silent auction today, only tearing up a few times.  Not crying, just tearing up. Then came the video.  UGH!  I started crying, but managed to catch myself from actually losing it. Thankfully the speaker followed the video and she was actually entertaining and quite funny at times. Ironic I thought... Her speech was a message about resiliency.  Ashley Rhodes-Courter, the speaker, was in the Florida foster system from age 3 until she was finally adopted at the age of 12.  She was shuttled between 14 homes during this time. Her story told of one home, a 2 bedroom trailer that housed 16 foster children.  The kids were locked out, forced to drink hot sauce, physically and mentally abused and sometimes tortured.  As I listened to her story, I just kept thinking to myself. WHY?!?  Why is it that someone like me, lost the most precious angel, a child that was so fortunate to have this life.  A child that was so unconditionally loved.  I thought of the teen mom, that just last week, threw her newborn baby from a 2 story window.  If she would have called me, I would have taken the baby in, no questions asked.  I just don't understand life.  I probably never will. I thought of the vulnerable foster system kids that get trapped in chaos of being moved around, separated from their siblings, not knowing from day to day what's next for them. The speaker spoke about resiliency and how no one is born with it. People have to choose to be resilient.  The statistics are not good for children in the system. Teen pregnancy, incarceration, most never graduate from high school, and then end up having kids that end up in the foster system. It's a never ending cycle. Chaos!  Somehow Ashley persevered through so many dark years.  Everything was stacked against her, but she beat the odds by focusing and being resilient.  She did it.  She got to the other side.  She's married with 3 kids, all under age 3 by the way.  She has a book, Three Little Words and a successful career as a speaker.  It was just what I needed to hear today.  She was my light in the darkness today, giving me another message of hope and the motivation I needed to push on through another day.  

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