5 Months...
11:11 AMIt's 5 months today. I've been praying to God as often as possible, asking for him to grant me strength to get through Thanksgiving this week. I normally host my family the weekend before Thanksgiving and then host Clint's family on Thanksgiving. Not this year. I can't do anything traditional this year, not without my Aspy. I need to start some new traditions to hopefully lessen the pain as we navigate through all of these firsts. I would honestly like to go somewhere for the month of December. If Jenner didn't have school, we would be. I just don't want to be here. The pain is too raw. I have NO motivation for putting up Christmas decorations. How could I? This was Aspen's very favorite holiday and of course, his Birthday month. I remember last Christmas and his Birthday like it was yesterday. We all ended up with the stomach flu the day of Aspen's actual Birthday. Just a day before we were supposed to leave for Mexico for the week. Aspen shares a birthday with his uncle Adam, but because we were all so sick, I had to cancel his party. We got back on the 22nd. Aspen had been abnormally cranky the last few days of our trip and had a few red dots around his mouth, which I wrote off to the humidity, pool and ocean water mixed with his binky. I remember the morning we were leaving to come home, he threw a tantrum of epic proportions. I had no idea why he was acting so out of character. We had my family over for Christmas morning as we've done for years. Little did I know, Aspen had Hand Foot & Mouth and ended up giving it to Ava. We celebrated Aspen's 3rd and final birthday on Christmas day. Sharing it with Jesus. Aspen loved the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and insisted on a Mickey Mouse cake. We all wore Mickey ears of course. He was thrilled! Christmas gifts and birthday gifts all in one day.
Clint is having a really difficult time these past few weeks too. I can see it in his face. He is completely heartbroken without him. We all are. We are striving to get stronger as a couple as we tackle this journey together. There have been bumps along the way, but all in all, we are stronger than ever. I thank God for this daily as the statistics for marriage withstanding a tragedy like losing a child, is not good. My Clint is my rock. I married him for his heart and his gentle soul. Jenner reminds me so much of his dad, which makes me so happy. As we gather this week with friends and family, my pain and sadness will remain, but I know I am truly blessed to have this life and I am thankful every day to be surrounded by loving people who lift us up through prayer, sweet words and so many genuine acts of kindness. I pray that God and Aspen will help us tackle this first while we recognize the vast blessings we have in our lives. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
SERENITY PRAYER
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.
- Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
1 comments
Thinking of you you and Clint a lot lately! I believe in the power of prayer and I believe that you will get through this. I know you won't ever get all the way through it as we will always remember sweet Aspen, but I want you to know that the strength that you and Clint portray is unbelievable! I wanted you to know that we will be saying extra prayers this week for you, Clint, and Jenner and am praying that god and Aspen come be with you often to continue to give you strength. God bless!
ReplyDeleteDerek